The first Friday in December… your holiday social schedule kicks off this weekend (if it hasn’t already! We hear a great time was had by all at the FWL members holiday party last night at Mattito’s). Consider these ideas and pro tips for keeping yourself sane and marvelous this season.

1. It’s okay to say no. Between the work thing, the spouse’s work thing, the work friends’ thing, the school thing, the PTA thing, the Chamber thing, the book club thing, the church group thing, the family thing, the other family thing, the other other family thing, your BFF’s thing, your neighborhood thing, the community thing… a person could truly book something for every night of the month. Never mind if you’re having your own party.

But unless you’re a jetsetting billionaire with live-in nanny, chef, masseur, and personal shopper, you can’t possibly manage every single social opportunity without going crazy. You need a reasonable, sustainable schedule. Pick the ones you absolutely want to go to… then pick the ones that you really need to go to… and then cull from the rest.

And practice saying, “We’d love to, but I’m so sorry, we have a conflict. Hope to see you in the New Year!” It just rolls off the tongue after a while.

2. It’s okay to leave early. If you’ve put in an hour at any one holiday event, you’ve done your duty. Here are the ways to get out the door without making it a big deal.

• Don’t make excuses. Don’t mention the dog, the sitter, the early morning. Just say, “We have to go, but we had a great time. Thanks for having us!” That’s it!
• Don’t make a big scene to everyone in the room about leaving. Holiday party guilt can be contagious, and you don’t want to suddenly motivate everyone to start checking their watch and gathering their things. Just tell the hosts goodbye and thanks, and be gone.


If everyone is having a swell time, slip out quietly without sinking the fun.

• If your host is the type to stop whatever she’s doing in order to make a big production out of your departure, or try to coax you into staying, then be sneakier. Maybe you already have your coats on, or maybe you just dash over while she’s refilling the ice bucket with a “Had a fab time! No, don’t stop what you’re doing, the party was lovely, call you tomorrow, bye!” and be out the door before she has a chance to pause.
• If you brought a dish in a container that you need back, get it another time. Don’t make your host stop hosting in order to wash your pan or platter. Related:
  • Smart: Mark your name on your dish somehow (I stick my address label on the bottom of platters, or a piece of masking tape if it’s a dishwasher item, or write my last name in Sharpie somewhere if it’s a cooler-type item). Especially do this if it’s a potluck and there are lots of dishes. This will help it get back to you.
  • Smarter: Bring a disposable container that can be recycled or tossed later.
  • Smartest: Bring your dish in a lovely piece of serveware that the hostess can then keep as a gift. (Be sure to let her know, though, so she doesn’t try to return it or send it home with another guest.)

Personally, I am a fan of the “French leave,” where you slip out the door without telling anyone goodbye. You have to be careful with this and only use it in the right circumstances. Any party with 50 or more people, you can usually get away with it. Obviously you cannot French-leave from a dinner party of 4 couples!

3. No one noticed but you. Lights on the back of the tree aren’t flickering properly? The Pepperkakor that you brought to the cookie exchange were a little too browned on the bottom? You wanted to do a color-coordinated fluffy satin bow, but could only find a stick-on kind from the dollar store bag?

Whatever the little thing is that is bothering you, let it go. Odds are that you will make something that wasn’t a big deal, into a big deal, just by mentioning it; at the least, people will think you are OCD for fretting over a bow.

(True story: for a long time, I personally had to work very hard to not criticize my own menu at my cocktail parties. Seriously, I would say things like, “Oh, thanks, glad you like the dip, but I’m really disappointed that I couldn’t find the right exotic cheese to make this other fabulous recipe instead…” What? I know. So ungracious. I mean, what does the other person say to that… the one who just complimented your food?)

Let’s just face it: there are people who can make every single holiday endeavor perfect and magazine-quality… and there are the rest of us. And those Marthas probably kick puppies anyway.

4. Book now. Any service that you need to get through the holidays, you should call and make reservations now. Whether it’s Fido’s stay at the doggie spa while you fly to your mother’s, or your hair and nails for the big holiday cocktail ‘do, or seats at the children’s Santa breakfast… putting those bookings off till later in the month could mean getting shut out.

5. Eat before you go. Holiday parties wreak havoc on anyone’s diet… even if you aren’t dieting. Party food is often rich, high in fat and low in fiber and vitamins, and lends to mindless snacking where you don’t even pay attention to what you’re shoving in your hors d’oeuvre-hole (yes I just went there!).


Avoid the indigestion and the extra calories… or worse, the gnawing hunger because you don’t care for or can’t eat any of the items being served… by having something substantial before you go. Nuke a Lean Cuisine, fix a turkey sandwich, or grab an apple while you get ready. This will let you selectively indulge and splurge on foods you really love to eat.


Bonus benefit: you won’t be consuming alcohol on an empty stomach!

Don’t starve yourself, though, or make a big deal out of abstaining. If you know you’re likely to stand around the glistening buffet of treats, smugly sipping only water and snacking on two baby carrots (with no dip) while other people load up on cream cheese this and chocolate that, just stay home! You’re spoiling it for the rest of us!

The moral of the story is that if you find yourself looking at the December calendar and feeling overwhelmed instead of joyful, it’s a sign that you need to cut back or better manage your events. The point of these parties is to celebrate, revel, and enjoy the company of friends… so put that on the very top of your list, no matter what.